I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
