Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
