I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
