Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize