sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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