i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Randomize
