I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
