I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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