i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Enjoy the penises
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
