Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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