I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
