I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
