Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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