He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
FUCK WHALES
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
