Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
