My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize