"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
