I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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