Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
