does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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