Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
