why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
