I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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