If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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