Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
