I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
