Jerry, you need to find god
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
