Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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