Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
