Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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