Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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