is your mom at the bar?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
