she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
