you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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