I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
false alarm, still single
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