I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
