the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
