I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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