im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
