There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
