My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
