Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
