he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My liver just had a heart attack.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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