So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize