You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
