It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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