Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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