I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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