I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
should my penis look like a turkey
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize