OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We smell like vodka and hangover
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