Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
