i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
