dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
