You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
