I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Come on in and take your pants off
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