So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
