Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
