none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
