I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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