I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
