Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You're earring is so big in my mouth
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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