My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize