I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
