return my video game
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
