Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
