You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
