we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
