It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
