You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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