The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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