What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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