so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
