He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
