The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
