dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
