My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
