first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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