The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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