sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
