What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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