maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
