is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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