You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
