She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
