I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
