Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
