if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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