i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
