I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize