hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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