never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Houston, we have a squirter
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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