I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
