i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
