Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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