Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
