I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
