I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
