Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You don't make any sense
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