big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
