I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
