ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
