Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
