My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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