Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize