I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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