It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
