Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
