Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
