just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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