Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
