Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
