come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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