and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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