If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
