mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
