i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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