I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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