the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
