her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
